Saying Goodbye
by shouvley
Summary: Wanda and Ian share their love before she is extracted. No lemons.


From the Host, pg. 587

_Ian slid the red door aside, and I went straight to the mattress on the right. I balled up there, knotting my shaking hands in front of my hammering heart, trying to hide them behind my knees._

_Ian curled around me, holding me close to his chest. This would have been fine – I knew that he would end up sprawled out in all directions when he was really asleep – except he could feel my trembling._

"_It's going to be fine, Wanda. I know we'll find a solution."_

"_I truly love you, Ian." It was the only way I could tell him goodbye. The only way he would accept. I knew he would remember later and understand. "With my whole soul, I love you."_

"_I truly love you, too, my Wanderer."_

_He nuzzled his face against mine until he found my lips, then he kissed me, slow and gentle, the flow of molten rock swelling languidly in the dark at the center of the earth, until my shaking slowed._

"_Sleep, Wanda. Save it for tomorrow. It will keep for the night."_

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I was suddenly struck by the immediacy of my end. I was waiting for Ian to fall asleep and then I was going to die. It just didn't seem right. I was a coward. I couldn't leave him like this. He deserved better.

I searched for Melanie. She had drifted away, leaving me alone with Ian. I sought her permission to continue.

She sighed. _Be happy, Wanda. It's the only gift I have to give you._

I brought my hand up to cup Ian's cheek and his eyes fluttered open to meet mine.

He smiled, wrapping his arms more tightly around me.

"I'm not ready to sleep yet," I whispered, leaning up to brush my lips against his again.

He responded leisurely, wrapping his hands in my hair. I pushed up the intensity, running my tongue along his lower lip.

He was surprised but allowed me to continue, reveling in my newfound confidence.

When we pulled apart to breathe I brought my lips down to his neck.

I wanted him to know just how much I would miss him. I couldn't tell him; I had to show him.

He ran a hand down my side, resting it on my hip. I felt the muscles in my stomach and tense. I didn't understand the feeling at first but Mel helped me along.

_You're turned on Wanda._

_Oh God. I have to stop this, _I thought, about to push Ian away. I couldn't let this go any further.

_Wait! _she screamed in my head. She sighed, as if defeated. _It's okay. You love him and he loves you. You deserve to be together._

I felt her sink into the back of my head, giving me privacy. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

I couldn't believe I finally had the opportunity to be with Ian. I was suddenly terrified. I'd never done this before and with Melanie sequestered away I didn't have her memories to pull on either.

I was on my own.

I wanted to do this. I just wasn't sure how to go about it.

I moved my hands to his waist and started playing with the hem of his shirt, raising it slowly to run my fingers over the taught muscles of his abdomen.

He pulled back and stared at me. "What are you doing?" he whispered. "Not that I'm complaining."

I smirked. I must have been doing something right.

"Mel knows how much I love you. She gave me permission."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

I nodded as he brought his lips back to mine. He kissed me slowly and sweetly, his hand massaging my hip. He slid his hand under my shirt but pulled back, unsure.

"Are you sure you want to do this now? You're not just doing it because Melanie said it's okay?"

I nodded. "I love you, Ian. I want to do this."

He smiled widely, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He rolled so that I was on my back and he was hovering over me.

"You don't know how happy that makes me."

He leaned down and kissed me with an intensity I had never felt from him before. I concentrated on the feel of everything. His lips on mine, his hand on my stomach, his legs intertwined with mine. I wanted to remember everything about this.

I wasn't sure why I wanted to remember. In a few hours I would be gone, no memories left. I found myself hoping that we souls had an afterlife. I wanted to carry this moment with me forever.

I inhaled his scent deeply as I pulled his shirt over his head.

He ran his lips down my jaw line to my neck. He kissed my pulse point as I ran my fingers through his hair.

He tugged at my shirt, raising it slowly as his hands traced my stomach.

I resisted the urge to be self-conscious. I knew Ian loved me. All of me. I didn't want to ruin the moment by being embarrassed.

As he raised my shirt over my head, I felt the last of my inhibitions fade away. I felt safe here with Ian. I had no reason to be nervous.

We loved each other. That was all we needed.

Ian made love to me as only he could. He moved slowly and sweetly always keeping my comfort as his main priority.

When we were finished he fell onto his side and pulled me closely to him. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, keeping as much contact as possible.

I willed myself not to fall asleep. I stared into Ian's eyes until they began to droop. I knew he wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer.

His eyes closed and it didn't take long for his grip on me to loosen.

I shifted away from him, missing the contact immediately. I dressed quickly trying not to stare at Ian. The peaceful look on his face had me wavering. I could lie down next to him and wake up in the morning, surrounded by the arms I had come to love.

I knew this was going to hurt him. I shouldn't have done anything. I didn't regret it for my sake, but for his.

I wiped away a silent tear and kissed his forehead.

It was time to leave.

* * *

**I initially wrote this story as a prologue for a story where Wanda would get pregnant in Melanie's body, be extracted, and leave Melanie to deal with the consequences. However, I decided that I liked it much better as a stand alone as an insight into Wanda's character instead of a multi-chapter story. Sorry to disappoint. I hope you can all forgive me.**


End file.
